I (Chrissy) wrote this post in the fall of 2016 and did not finish it until now, July of 2017. It catches you all up from our last post in 2014.
I just rocked our little guy and placed him into his crib for a nap...enjoying the sweetness of being able to hold him in my arms and kiss his head and hands. Many things cross my mind while I rest in the silence of the nursery, and I realized it has been about two and a half years since we last posted here. Some blogger I am! :) But then again, maybe less is more in this day and age.
A whole lot of life has happened since we posted in early summer of 2014. Many people have asked how we have been doing and what we have been up to since our big move to the East Coast from Atlanta in October of 2015. I'll briefly fill you in on our lives, including the highs and lows we've experienced in this time and over the course of the last 2+ years. Then I'll share about what God has been teaching me/us as a family and where this blog may go from here.
On December 26, 2014, after 44 hours of active labor, I gave birth to our miracle son and "gentle warrior," Miles David Bruso, at North Fulton Hospital in Roswell, Georgia. He weighed 9 pounds and 1 ounce, and he was 22 inches long. BIG baby. Physically, I recovered well and quickly. Emotionally, I was thrilled to be a mama but experienced significant anxiety around the vastness of life change that happened almost all at once. My husband and I decided long before I was pregnant that it would be best for our future children and our family as a whole if I resigned from my full time job as a therapist in order to be at home during the early years. I am not naturally a domestic person, and I had always thrived on the inherent structure of career life. In addition, I had worked full time outside the home for some 16 years...nearly half my life. Not only did I miss my coworkers when I resigned, but all of a sudden, I had this little person relying on me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. My husband is a very present, hands-on dad, but no one can replace mom. I felt the weight of the awesome yet intense responsibility to help this child stay alive and thrive. Nothing in any of my careers prepared me for that. I struggled, I cried and I reached out to friends and family members. Some of them understood and encouraged me, while others tried to fix me or simply withdrew from me. Life goes that way at times, but I wasn't able to shake it off easily. I would internalize the sadness and anxiety and beat myself up for every little thing.
When Miles was 5 weeks old, my mom was diagnosed with a softball-sized olfactory groove meningioma, a benign frontal lobe brain tumor, and blood clots in her legs and lungs. She underwent a 14-hour surgery for the clots and tumor removal the morning after being diagnosed. Miraculously, she came out of those surgeries very well and has recovered in many ways. When Miles was 13 weeks old, our beloved and healthy dog, Tango, suddenly began having grand mol seizures. After treatment, consultations and research, we concluded he likely had a brain tumor because he wasn't responding to treatment. Soon thereafter we made the heartbreaking decision to euthanize him. He died in my arms as Matt and I prayed over him and thanked him for the many years of sheer joy he gave us. I promptly went home from the vet with a tear-stained face and puffy eyes to nurse my son and continue grieving. Thankfully God had brought Dottie into our lives, Miles' beloved adopted grandmother, who cared for him (and me) often so that I could begin to get my head above water. She is an angel in human form, and I think I even felt her wings when I hugged her.
Less than one month later, my mom had 7 grand mol seizures in a row in one day that were unrelated to her brain tumor and surgery. She was not expected to recover, but she did. Another miracle...yet I was reeling. All the while we were sinking financially, struggling in our marriage and experienced spiritual wounds from people we trusted (more on that in another post). I continued loving being a mama but now Miles was in the midst of a sleep regression after finally getting into a nice sleep rhythm. I expected sleep deprivation, but the kind that comes with babies is like no other! It felt like each time I took a step forward toward a new normal - life as a stay-at-home mama trying to connect with other moms - there would be another sleepless night, another week of congestion (read: long hours of rocking a restless babe by myself at home), another canceled play date. Disappointment. Change. More change. More debt. More arguing...essentially not knowing how to support each other through everything I just described. I felt like the trenches kept getting deeper, and I did not know where to turn since my feeble prayers seemed to hit the ceiling.
Matt sat me down one day and told me he wanted to do whatever it took for me to get better/feel better. We both knew I was struggling with postpartum depression, and we both knew that my integrative physician could help, Dr. Tasneem Bhatia ("Dr. Taz") at CentreSpring MD in Atlanta. God had used her to help us get pregnant, so we knew He could use her to help me get back to thriving. I made an appointment to see one of her associates, and less than two weeks after going, I began to feel better. The clouds over my heart and mind began to lift. Dr. Zach at CentreSpring had ordered some extensive blood work, and he caught my thyroid and progesterone deficiency. He also encouraged me to go to therapy to discuss transitioning to motherhood. He was wise and kind, and his advice sent me down the road back to wholeness.
In October of 2015, we moved to Virginia to be closer to my side of the family and open our own business. My husband partnered with the Lord and worked very hard to create a successful garage door company, Four Seasons Garage Doors. I have witnessed his growth in every area as he stepped out and fulfilled a longtime dream of his to become a business owner and operator. With the blessing of a successful company in a new state came the inevitable transitions of making new friends, finding a new church, getting to know a new area (which is very different now from when I grew up here) and finding new doctors and dentists.
What have I learned since that time? I've learned that it is possible to be a full time stay-at-home mom and still be me, do the things that I love and attend to my marriage and family. It would be another year and a half, essentially now [2016], until I would begin to find some balance. After all, motherhood is all-consuming at times. It's no joke keeping tiny humans alive and safe. I also learned about spiritual rest...to cease striving and "trying" to be close to God and simply receive everything He has to give: Peace, patience, love, kindness, gentleness, self-control, strength, joy and comfort. Remember that passage in Psalm 23:6? "Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." God's goodness and love seeks after each one of us. Yes, that is the truth. We choose to receive, believe, embrace and give it, but we do that in response to Him and his kindness.
I have also learned that there are times when you must fight for your spouse and your marriage with all you've got. Both are totally worth it. Even if you don't have beautiful examples of marriage in your family of origin, and even if you don't know how to fight for them...you can get help and see victory. When you go through massive transitions in a short time, it often exposes your individual and collective strengths and weaknesses. There is nothing wrong with this; it's real life. The Lord does beautiful things when we allow our deepest selves to be exposed. Warning: The process of having our hearts exposed does not feel beautiful, but it is necessary in order to grow together. We have sought marriage counseling since moving to Virginia, and it is worth every minute of time and every penny spent. It is helping us heal from the spiritual wounds we suffered; it is helping us to know ourselves more so we can support the other in meaningful ways; it has freed us up emotionally because we've learned about our personality types and how we have been intentionally and specifically wired by God to bear His glory here on earth. Therapy has softened us both and given us a new compassion for the other as we see our weaknesses and learn to pray for each other in redemptive ways.
If you're wondering even for a moment if you should seek counseling, do yourself and those in your life a favor: Do it. You will never regret it. I am a therapist, and I need therapy. How's that for honesty? My honesty and your honesty sets an atmosphere of freedom for others to be themselves and maybe even seek the help they need. I want to be well; fully alive with a strong heart and clear mind. I believe this blog will morph into my sharing about my journey with God in marriage and motherhood by being as real as possible, and I'll be sharing wellness tips too. I bet my Beloved will make a "guest appearance" here and there as well :). Thanks so much for coming alongside me and us here on our blog.
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
Sunday, June 15, 2014
The Nudge
As I talked with two friends after church today, I felt the gentle nudge. Not a physical nudge from a person or an animal, but a spiritual nudge to guide and remind me to "tell the story". I immediately knew that God was helping me to have the courage to share a part of Matt and I's lives that has been quite painful at times. He (the Lord) has been on me about this for some time now, and I keep saying, "Not yet." It's interesting and ironic how the most confounding miracles often arrive after the darkest valleys of pain, brokenness, and growth. So why have I intentionally procrastinated on sharing some of the most beautiful news we've received to date? Fear. Foreboding joy (the sense that the "other shoe will drop" at any point, so why be hopeful?). Wondering when God may change his mind and take back his gifts, even though I know reneging on his word and taking back gifts are not in his character. Yet I question and doubt because I'm human and because I have not lived long in this culture of honor, blessing, expectation of good and complete trust in God's love. More on that in another post to come...
A little background to catch you up to speed on this particular chapter in Matt and I's lives: In April of 2012, I was diagnosed with a Pituitary Microadenoma, a fancy term that denotes a tiny, benign tumor on the pituitary gland (PG - it's hard to keep retyping "pituitary"!). The PG is pea-sized and located close to the center of the brain behind the nasal cavity. Known as the "Master Gland," it is in charge of secreting hormones that control parts of the endocrine system such as the thyroid gland, adrenal gland, ovaries and testes. The PG's hormone secretion pilots body processes from basic human growth to sex to metabolism to pain relief. My particular type of tumor, albeit tiny and not visible to the untrained eye even on a contrast MRI, hijacked my prolactin hormone and told my PG to produce copious amounts. Along with other functions, prolactin is the breastfeeding hormone that is typically only elevated during pregnancy and after birth while actively breastfeeding. This is why pregnant and lactating women generally do not have menstrual cycles (generally because there's always an anomaly), one of God's great gifts to women when we are busy creating and growing little humans. As my PG produced more and more prolactin, I stopped having a period which is what tipped me off that something was amiss with my health. I saw my traditional OB/Gyn nurse practitioner who was ready to diagnose me with Hypothyroidism simply because I have family history of this disease.
When I would not accept this simplistic, possible diagnosis because of my knowledge of the body AND of my Almighty God, I saw a wonderful holistic/integrative MD, Dr. Taz Bhatia. I wanted to understand what was happening in my body and why. This began a 2-year and counting relationship with the best doctor and one of the most amazing women I've ever met. Dr. Taz has her own story as to how she landed in integrative and holistic medicine, but before you think I have no respect for western medicine, she is a fully trained ER doctor, women's specialist and board-certified pediatrician. Have I mentioned that she's also fully trained in eastern medicine practices, including acupuncture? She's incredibly balanced in her thinking and does not give credence to only one perspective or diagnosis. She understands that disease is merely a collection of symptoms in the body that manifest because of toxic overload and/or nutrient deficiency for an extended period of time (that may or may not have originated genetically). After several tests including extensive blood work, she recommended that I get a contrast MRI done to rule out a PG tumor.
Needless to say, just the word "tumor" sent me into a fear-filled darkness that caused me to question everything. Should I break up with Matt since this may very well mean that I cannot ever conceive biologically? Should I tell him what's happening and let him into the darkness with me? We've been dating 2 months; what dude wants to deal with THIS possibility? God, where are you and what's going to happen? The Holy Spirit brought the Scripture in Psalm 25 to mind and comforted me, May honesty and integrity protect me, for my hope is in you (paraphrase). I knew then that I needed to tell Matt, but WOW, was I ever terrified. I wasn't certain at that point in our relationship that he was The One for me, but I knew he brought peace and security into my life that I had not yet experienced with a man. I just did not know how he would respond to this newfound possibility that my beloved PG may have betrayed me. Well, this card did not trump my suitor's growing love for me in the least. He simply responded by saying that if things continued and we were to be married, he indeed loved children from all over the world...i.e. he was prepared to adopt children with me happily. I could not have asked for more, except that I really hoped the MRI would show nothing and my PG and prolactin level would just return to their normal, healthy states.
The MRI results came back, and I was then definitively diagnosed with a Pituitary Microadenoma. I had been researching in between doctors' appointments and the MRI, so I was prepared and knew that my future as a mama was still bright. The typical treatments for this condition involve hormone therapy and sometimes surgery through the nasal cavity to remove the tumor (no, thank you!!). I remain tremendously grateful to Dr. Taz for her conservative, positive approach. She recommended some diet changes to include lowering my gluten intake, adding some vitamin supplements to support hormone balance and adding a bio-identical, prescription progesterone to increase my progesterone level which would in turn decrease my prolactin level. All of this worked toward two ends: Reducing any inflammation in my body (one primary cause of any disease) and lowering my prolactin level to restart my menstrual cycle. While this did not matter in the short term for Matt and I, once we decided to get engaged and married very shortly thereafter, the long term was upon us and a reality we did not ignore.
We decided not to prevent pregnancy from the beginning of our marriage, and we prayed specifically prior to marriage for God to give us biological and adopted children at the exact right time. One Sunday at church in May of 2013, a precious woman, Melissa, who I had not yet met approached me during worship to share a message the Lord had given her for me. Bear in mind that Matt had not met her either, and only 1-2 people in our church were aware at that point of our desire to conceive and adopt children as well as our struggle to wait on the Lord. Melissa was not yet one of those people, and the ones with whom we had shared were akin to locked vaults. Well, the Lord literally opened and revealed our personal, spiritual mail to Melissa that day and instructed her to let us know what was to come. She took me aside and prophesied clearly and articulately to me about our biological child/ren, stating that she had seen a vision in worship entailing my womb being encased in glass and chains. The Lord was in the process of breaking the chains that bound my womb, and He had assigned angels to guard my womb and usher in a child. She told me that I needed to write this down, pray over it and hold onto it because the Lord would bring it to pass. Then she prayed for me both in words I could understand and in the Spirit, and an incredible peace surrounded me. During the many days, weeks and months that followed, my faith and spirit grew weary. Melissa gently reminded me of God's promise and supported me through my sadness over continually not getting pregnant. Matt and I were both completely blown away by God's message through Melissa one year ago, though we just didn't know when...or how...the Lord would fulfill his promise.
As we celebrated our first year of marital bliss in the North Georgia mountains in November of 2013, we could not have been happier even though we longed for children. Several negative pregnancy tests later, discouragement began to seep into both of our hearts. Not long after our anniversary, we attended two friends' wedding in Marietta and had a God-ordained conversation with our friend, Aisha. She shared about her non-profit work in mentoring children in the Georgia foster care system. A light bulb went off in both of our minds and spirits, and we talked the whole way home about starting our adoption at that time. We decided to kick off the process at the beginning of the new year, 2014. Although we had originally felt led to adopt internationally, the Lord clearly showed us the extraordinary need for adoptive families in Georgia given the 7,700+ children in foster care statewide. Matt texted me at work one day to share that he was convinced we had made the right decision to pursue adoption as he looked at the Wednesday's Child website and shed tears over the waiting children. God gave us another revelation about the potential birth order of our children: Perhaps our adopted child was to come into our family first to meet his or her specific need for security and identity. It was settled, we were adopting and we went full speed ahead. Even though the Department of Family and Children's Services (DFCS) is known for its red tape and inefficiency, we met and got to know many individuals who worked there with deeply caring and helpful souls. The process of criminal background clearances, drug tests, CPR/First Aid Certification, and 23 hours of foster/adoptive parent training was intense and brought one of many crucial issues to light: The child we would adopt will be coming from a challenging situation varying from physical/sexual/emotional abuse to neglect to parental death.
We talked, prayed and grieved together the reality of our child's situation and this fallen world that such systems even exist. We invited a select group of people to pray into this process with us and celebrate this chapter in our lives. It was and remains very important to us to be thoughtful and intentional about who speaks into our lives and the lives of our (future) children. After all, the tongue has the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21). Following our orientation with DFCS on January 23, 2014, we gathered and filled out paperwork like madmen, attended 3-hour classes on Thursday evenings and finished the entire process and the home study on Friday, March 28, 2014. Then we began the wait for our adoptive parent approval, a 3-pronged, extensive process that goes through county and state-level child welfare employees before culminating in a 'yay' or 'nay'. We are currently still waiting for our precious approval notice to this day and have been told that it will probably arrive this summer...at some point.
Below you'll see photos of us finishing up the paperwork phase of our adoption :).
In the meantime, I got a minor sinus infection in late April and slowed down in order to get better. Only as the cough disappeared, I began experiencing nausea that I can only compare to carsickness in Costa Rica while driving 4 hours on a mountain road to get to a volcano and hot springs. The only exception was the nausea did not stop at any point in the day and it worsened at night. I also started having serious food aversions, including meat, vegetables, and sweets. What other food groups exist in my world? At that point, only organic saltines and Diet Coke...perfect options for this low-gluten, anti-artificial sweetener gal. I still thought nothing of it because I had just recovered from a sinus infection and figured I must have caught a stomach bug (the likes of which hadn't come near me in probably 30 years). My energy waned badly, and I'd immediately get into bed after work around 6pm. Matt was incredibly attentive and kind in caring for me, and he took over all food prep, as the smell of food made me gag. I had begun taking a medicine prescribed by Dr. Taz called Bromocryptine, which works to decrease prolactin production in those with overachieving PGs like mine :). Once I reached the maximum prescribed dose, nausea often set in and became my unwelcome friend. The positive part was that as long as my stomach was not empty, the nausea subsided within an hour of each dose (once in the morning and once at night). Between thinking I had a stomach bug with no symptoms other than constant nausea and wondering if my medicine was beginning to adversely affect me, I contacted Dr. Taz for advice. She suggested decreasing the Bromocryptine to the lowest efficacious dose. I did so immediately, but it did not curb the nausea.
After three straight weeks of feeling terrible and having to cease working out and nearly stop even walking my dogs, I reluctantly took my last dollar store pregnancy test on May 16, 2014. Matt was getting ready to do some errands but paused as I told him I was taking the test. I told him to go ahead and that I'd call him if it was positive. He wouldn't go and later told me that there was no faith in leaving his wife for an errand as she awaited the results of a PREGNANCY TEST. What a sweet man the Lord has given me. As the first of eventually three pregnancy tests immediately lit up positive, we were in shock and awe!!
We went to the doctor two weeks later, heard the babe's heartbeat and found out that I was 9 weeks along! My due date is December 30, 2014, shortly after my 38th birthday. Here's the kicker: I still have not had a menstrual cycle in over 2 years. God's supernatural, prophetic word to Melissa for us one year ago has absolutely manifested in the natural. At just over 11 weeks pregnant, we are still waiting to be approved for our adoption and do not have a clear answer from the Lord or our own spirits as to what to do, timing, etc. I want to be clear though: We absolutely will adopt at some point, and we cannot wait to see God bring our child/ren into our family! When the midwife asked us during our May 30th appointment if we would like to undergo a litany of genetic tests to determine the probability of our child having any number of diseases or defects, it didn't take us long to unequivocally say no, thank you. This child is a promised gift from God and will join our family in the coming months with a leadership anointing on his or her life, including strengthening and calming others in crises. We are preparing to welcome him or her and his or her siblings by adoption or biologically in the future. I recently heard that delayed answers lead to greater relief. Well, that is completely true. The relief and joy that follow intense trials (many of which I have not yet shared), are such beautiful gifts from heaven.
To all of our friends, family, and readers: We would absolutely love to stand with you and pray with you for your personal breakthrough in any area of your life. Feel free to share in the comments, message me on FB or contact me privately via my email address on the blog. Thank you for taking the time to share in our lives by reading this - we believe in your dreams, agree with you for breakthrough and long to see you welcome God the Father's love and closeness as you wait. What he does for one, he will do for another, and we will be interceding for you and saying, "Do it again, Lord!"
Love, Chrissy & Matt
A little background to catch you up to speed on this particular chapter in Matt and I's lives: In April of 2012, I was diagnosed with a Pituitary Microadenoma, a fancy term that denotes a tiny, benign tumor on the pituitary gland (PG - it's hard to keep retyping "pituitary"!). The PG is pea-sized and located close to the center of the brain behind the nasal cavity. Known as the "Master Gland," it is in charge of secreting hormones that control parts of the endocrine system such as the thyroid gland, adrenal gland, ovaries and testes. The PG's hormone secretion pilots body processes from basic human growth to sex to metabolism to pain relief. My particular type of tumor, albeit tiny and not visible to the untrained eye even on a contrast MRI, hijacked my prolactin hormone and told my PG to produce copious amounts. Along with other functions, prolactin is the breastfeeding hormone that is typically only elevated during pregnancy and after birth while actively breastfeeding. This is why pregnant and lactating women generally do not have menstrual cycles (generally because there's always an anomaly), one of God's great gifts to women when we are busy creating and growing little humans. As my PG produced more and more prolactin, I stopped having a period which is what tipped me off that something was amiss with my health. I saw my traditional OB/Gyn nurse practitioner who was ready to diagnose me with Hypothyroidism simply because I have family history of this disease.
When I would not accept this simplistic, possible diagnosis because of my knowledge of the body AND of my Almighty God, I saw a wonderful holistic/integrative MD, Dr. Taz Bhatia. I wanted to understand what was happening in my body and why. This began a 2-year and counting relationship with the best doctor and one of the most amazing women I've ever met. Dr. Taz has her own story as to how she landed in integrative and holistic medicine, but before you think I have no respect for western medicine, she is a fully trained ER doctor, women's specialist and board-certified pediatrician. Have I mentioned that she's also fully trained in eastern medicine practices, including acupuncture? She's incredibly balanced in her thinking and does not give credence to only one perspective or diagnosis. She understands that disease is merely a collection of symptoms in the body that manifest because of toxic overload and/or nutrient deficiency for an extended period of time (that may or may not have originated genetically). After several tests including extensive blood work, she recommended that I get a contrast MRI done to rule out a PG tumor.
Needless to say, just the word "tumor" sent me into a fear-filled darkness that caused me to question everything. Should I break up with Matt since this may very well mean that I cannot ever conceive biologically? Should I tell him what's happening and let him into the darkness with me? We've been dating 2 months; what dude wants to deal with THIS possibility? God, where are you and what's going to happen? The Holy Spirit brought the Scripture in Psalm 25 to mind and comforted me, May honesty and integrity protect me, for my hope is in you (paraphrase). I knew then that I needed to tell Matt, but WOW, was I ever terrified. I wasn't certain at that point in our relationship that he was The One for me, but I knew he brought peace and security into my life that I had not yet experienced with a man. I just did not know how he would respond to this newfound possibility that my beloved PG may have betrayed me. Well, this card did not trump my suitor's growing love for me in the least. He simply responded by saying that if things continued and we were to be married, he indeed loved children from all over the world...i.e. he was prepared to adopt children with me happily. I could not have asked for more, except that I really hoped the MRI would show nothing and my PG and prolactin level would just return to their normal, healthy states.
The MRI results came back, and I was then definitively diagnosed with a Pituitary Microadenoma. I had been researching in between doctors' appointments and the MRI, so I was prepared and knew that my future as a mama was still bright. The typical treatments for this condition involve hormone therapy and sometimes surgery through the nasal cavity to remove the tumor (no, thank you!!). I remain tremendously grateful to Dr. Taz for her conservative, positive approach. She recommended some diet changes to include lowering my gluten intake, adding some vitamin supplements to support hormone balance and adding a bio-identical, prescription progesterone to increase my progesterone level which would in turn decrease my prolactin level. All of this worked toward two ends: Reducing any inflammation in my body (one primary cause of any disease) and lowering my prolactin level to restart my menstrual cycle. While this did not matter in the short term for Matt and I, once we decided to get engaged and married very shortly thereafter, the long term was upon us and a reality we did not ignore.
We decided not to prevent pregnancy from the beginning of our marriage, and we prayed specifically prior to marriage for God to give us biological and adopted children at the exact right time. One Sunday at church in May of 2013, a precious woman, Melissa, who I had not yet met approached me during worship to share a message the Lord had given her for me. Bear in mind that Matt had not met her either, and only 1-2 people in our church were aware at that point of our desire to conceive and adopt children as well as our struggle to wait on the Lord. Melissa was not yet one of those people, and the ones with whom we had shared were akin to locked vaults. Well, the Lord literally opened and revealed our personal, spiritual mail to Melissa that day and instructed her to let us know what was to come. She took me aside and prophesied clearly and articulately to me about our biological child/ren, stating that she had seen a vision in worship entailing my womb being encased in glass and chains. The Lord was in the process of breaking the chains that bound my womb, and He had assigned angels to guard my womb and usher in a child. She told me that I needed to write this down, pray over it and hold onto it because the Lord would bring it to pass. Then she prayed for me both in words I could understand and in the Spirit, and an incredible peace surrounded me. During the many days, weeks and months that followed, my faith and spirit grew weary. Melissa gently reminded me of God's promise and supported me through my sadness over continually not getting pregnant. Matt and I were both completely blown away by God's message through Melissa one year ago, though we just didn't know when...or how...the Lord would fulfill his promise.
As we celebrated our first year of marital bliss in the North Georgia mountains in November of 2013, we could not have been happier even though we longed for children. Several negative pregnancy tests later, discouragement began to seep into both of our hearts. Not long after our anniversary, we attended two friends' wedding in Marietta and had a God-ordained conversation with our friend, Aisha. She shared about her non-profit work in mentoring children in the Georgia foster care system. A light bulb went off in both of our minds and spirits, and we talked the whole way home about starting our adoption at that time. We decided to kick off the process at the beginning of the new year, 2014. Although we had originally felt led to adopt internationally, the Lord clearly showed us the extraordinary need for adoptive families in Georgia given the 7,700+ children in foster care statewide. Matt texted me at work one day to share that he was convinced we had made the right decision to pursue adoption as he looked at the Wednesday's Child website and shed tears over the waiting children. God gave us another revelation about the potential birth order of our children: Perhaps our adopted child was to come into our family first to meet his or her specific need for security and identity. It was settled, we were adopting and we went full speed ahead. Even though the Department of Family and Children's Services (DFCS) is known for its red tape and inefficiency, we met and got to know many individuals who worked there with deeply caring and helpful souls. The process of criminal background clearances, drug tests, CPR/First Aid Certification, and 23 hours of foster/adoptive parent training was intense and brought one of many crucial issues to light: The child we would adopt will be coming from a challenging situation varying from physical/sexual/emotional abuse to neglect to parental death.
 |
| Adoption & foster care orientation at DFCS - January 23, 2014 |
We talked, prayed and grieved together the reality of our child's situation and this fallen world that such systems even exist. We invited a select group of people to pray into this process with us and celebrate this chapter in our lives. It was and remains very important to us to be thoughtful and intentional about who speaks into our lives and the lives of our (future) children. After all, the tongue has the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21). Following our orientation with DFCS on January 23, 2014, we gathered and filled out paperwork like madmen, attended 3-hour classes on Thursday evenings and finished the entire process and the home study on Friday, March 28, 2014. Then we began the wait for our adoptive parent approval, a 3-pronged, extensive process that goes through county and state-level child welfare employees before culminating in a 'yay' or 'nay'. We are currently still waiting for our precious approval notice to this day and have been told that it will probably arrive this summer...at some point.
Below you'll see photos of us finishing up the paperwork phase of our adoption :).
 |
| My Love and I graduating from adoptive parent training - March 27, 2014 |
 |
| L to R: Beau & Courtney Garrett (and baby Ellis in the womb), me & Matt, Emily Bruso (sister-in-law), Michelle Hansens (Matt's sister), and Lara Brown (Matt's sister) - March 27, 2014 |
In the meantime, I got a minor sinus infection in late April and slowed down in order to get better. Only as the cough disappeared, I began experiencing nausea that I can only compare to carsickness in Costa Rica while driving 4 hours on a mountain road to get to a volcano and hot springs. The only exception was the nausea did not stop at any point in the day and it worsened at night. I also started having serious food aversions, including meat, vegetables, and sweets. What other food groups exist in my world? At that point, only organic saltines and Diet Coke...perfect options for this low-gluten, anti-artificial sweetener gal. I still thought nothing of it because I had just recovered from a sinus infection and figured I must have caught a stomach bug (the likes of which hadn't come near me in probably 30 years). My energy waned badly, and I'd immediately get into bed after work around 6pm. Matt was incredibly attentive and kind in caring for me, and he took over all food prep, as the smell of food made me gag. I had begun taking a medicine prescribed by Dr. Taz called Bromocryptine, which works to decrease prolactin production in those with overachieving PGs like mine :). Once I reached the maximum prescribed dose, nausea often set in and became my unwelcome friend. The positive part was that as long as my stomach was not empty, the nausea subsided within an hour of each dose (once in the morning and once at night). Between thinking I had a stomach bug with no symptoms other than constant nausea and wondering if my medicine was beginning to adversely affect me, I contacted Dr. Taz for advice. She suggested decreasing the Bromocryptine to the lowest efficacious dose. I did so immediately, but it did not curb the nausea.
After three straight weeks of feeling terrible and having to cease working out and nearly stop even walking my dogs, I reluctantly took my last dollar store pregnancy test on May 16, 2014. Matt was getting ready to do some errands but paused as I told him I was taking the test. I told him to go ahead and that I'd call him if it was positive. He wouldn't go and later told me that there was no faith in leaving his wife for an errand as she awaited the results of a PREGNANCY TEST. What a sweet man the Lord has given me. As the first of eventually three pregnancy tests immediately lit up positive, we were in shock and awe!!
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| No explanation necessary :) |
We went to the doctor two weeks later, heard the babe's heartbeat and found out that I was 9 weeks along! My due date is December 30, 2014, shortly after my 38th birthday. Here's the kicker: I still have not had a menstrual cycle in over 2 years. God's supernatural, prophetic word to Melissa for us one year ago has absolutely manifested in the natural. At just over 11 weeks pregnant, we are still waiting to be approved for our adoption and do not have a clear answer from the Lord or our own spirits as to what to do, timing, etc. I want to be clear though: We absolutely will adopt at some point, and we cannot wait to see God bring our child/ren into our family! When the midwife asked us during our May 30th appointment if we would like to undergo a litany of genetic tests to determine the probability of our child having any number of diseases or defects, it didn't take us long to unequivocally say no, thank you. This child is a promised gift from God and will join our family in the coming months with a leadership anointing on his or her life, including strengthening and calming others in crises. We are preparing to welcome him or her and his or her siblings by adoption or biologically in the future. I recently heard that delayed answers lead to greater relief. Well, that is completely true. The relief and joy that follow intense trials (many of which I have not yet shared), are such beautiful gifts from heaven.
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| First ultrasound on May 30, 2014 - 1 day shy of 9 weeks pregnant! |
To all of our friends, family, and readers: We would absolutely love to stand with you and pray with you for your personal breakthrough in any area of your life. Feel free to share in the comments, message me on FB or contact me privately via my email address on the blog. Thank you for taking the time to share in our lives by reading this - we believe in your dreams, agree with you for breakthrough and long to see you welcome God the Father's love and closeness as you wait. What he does for one, he will do for another, and we will be interceding for you and saying, "Do it again, Lord!"
Love, Chrissy & Matt
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